This newsletter has taken a lot of different shapes over the years. It has changed as I have changed. I started it in 2016, which feels like forever ago and yesterday. I have drives and folders brimming with newsletters I started and never finished. My goal for 2023 is to complete something, anything. I want to publish things again. I'm starting with this newsletter.
Getting Your Grooves Back
I have struggled mightily with my writing. I keep coming up with reasons not to write, reasons I didn't write, reasons I couldn't write. I never wanted for tools. I forgot the first rule of writing, which I learned thirty years ago and somehow forgot: write.
This is also the hardest part.
Instead of struggling with what I think people will want to read, I'm going to write what I want to write. It will be messy and sloppy but I'm starting again, again. Again.
I might drop this, too, because I'm messy and sloppy too. I have lost too much to my sloppiness and messiness, and I don't want to lose things anymore.
Be Kind To Yourself, But Not Too Kind
It's one thing to forgive yourself for being sloppy and messy and inconsistent. It's vital. If you can't be kind to yourself you can't be kind to anybody else!
But take it too far and you're not forgiving anymore. Don't surrender to your whims. Don't believe everything you think. Forgive yourself for being sloppy and messy, but here's the part I forgot: have a little self control, too.
For the past few years, I did everything I wanted to do and nothing I didn't. COVID fear, boredom, anxiety, depression, are comorbid with a lot of bad outcomes, like weight gain, lost friendships, missed opportunities, and low self esteem. Among the many treatments for these things, one of them is the self discipline to do uncomfortable things. Believe it or not, writing this is extremely uncomfortable, because sometimes I really hate writing.
But here I am, writing anyway. This is a big step for me. Silly, isn't it?